You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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