I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
