Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
