They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
