omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
