Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
