u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
