you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
