i think i have two assholes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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