i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
