im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
