I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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