I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We have started to decorate penises.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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