I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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