never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
