i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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