Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
