I can text with my tongue
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
