My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize