I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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