Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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