Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
