after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
