I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
