did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
