I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
