You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
