OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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