At least make sure they are 18
Why
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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