just tell him i said nine months
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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