well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
