I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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