So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
