So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
