I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
