I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
