it was like his penis was on wheels.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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