Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
