Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
