Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
