You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
