Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
