if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
