is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This house was built for laser tag.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
