i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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