i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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