I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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