So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
