Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
