he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
