i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
