What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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