I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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