"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So much rum. So many feels.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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