Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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