take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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