would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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