I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
