im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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