i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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