I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
