Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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