I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
