What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
