I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
