Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
