dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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