ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
