I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize