she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
